7 psychological tactics manipulators use in relationships

Ever been insulted and then told you’re “too sensitive”? Negative humour is when someone uses sarcasm or “jokes” to undermine your confidence, then hides behind laughter. These aren’t harmless quips, they’re meant to make you feel small while giving the manipulator room to deny responsibility. “Lighten up,” they’ll say, after mocking your looks, choices, or intelligence.

How to outsmart: Smile, but turn the spotlight back. Ask calmly, “Why do you think that’s funny?” or “What did you mean by that?” Making them explain removes their mask and often exposes their real intentions.

Manipulators who play the victim are experts at flipping the script. No matter what goes wrong, it’s never their fault, and somehow, it always ends with you comforting them. They weaponise your empathy, making you feel responsible for their moods, failures, or even toxic behaviour. This keeps you trapped in a cycle of guilt and overgiving.

How to outsmart: Step back. Acknowledge their feelings without owning their emotions. If this becomes a pattern, know it’s okay to walk away. You’re not responsible for healing someone who refuses to take accountability.

When caught doing something questionable, manipulators often pretend innocence. They act surprised by your reaction, claim they “forgot,” or say they “didn’t think it mattered.” This is a subtle way to dodge responsibility while making you feel irrational for reacting. It’s a form of avoidance, and it’s intentional.

How to outsmart: Focus on patterns, not excuses. Judge actions, not intentions. If someone keeps “accidentally” crossing your boundaries, they’re not unaware, they’re uninterested in respecting you. Consistency matters more than apologies.

Projection is a psychological trick where the manipulator accuses you of the very things they’re guilty of. They cheat, but suspect you. They lie, but call you dishonest. This tactic keeps you defensive and distracted, constantly trying to prove your innocence. It also makes you question your own behaviour, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.

How to outsmart: Don’t take the bait. Stay calm, disengage from circular arguments, and remove yourself from emotionally charged confrontations. Their accusations reveal more about them than about you.

Sometimes, the most powerful weapon is absence. Manipulators may withhold affection, ignore messages, or give you the cold shoulder not because they’re genuinely hurt, but as a tactic to punish or control. They know silence makes you anxious and desperate for validation. This form of emotional neglect makes love feel like a reward you must earn.

How to outsmart: Don’t chase. Respect yourself enough not to beg for basic decency. Real love is consistent, communicative, and safe, not a guessing game.

It starts like a dream, lavish compliments, constant attention, and over-the-top affection right from the beginning. But behind the romance is a strategy. Manipulators use love bombing to gain your trust and emotional dependency quickly. Once you're attached, the warmth fades and control begins. You’re left confused, trying to win back the version of them that never really existed.

How to outsmart: Slow things down. Genuine love unfolds with time, not urgency. Trust actions over intensity, and set clear emotional boundaries.